


A spectrum of fragments

by Thepresidentofrussia23



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Character Death, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Ghost Drifting, Grief/Mourning, Lost Love, M/M, Mike Dodds Lives, Misery, Out of Body Experiences, Stand Alone, Supernatural Elements
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-30
Updated: 2020-09-01
Packaged: 2021-03-06 21:15:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,699
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26185543
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thepresidentofrussia23/pseuds/Thepresidentofrussia23
Summary: Amaro isn't exactly sure what's going on, he isn't sure he wants to know either.
Relationships: Nick Amaro/Dominick "Sonny" Carisi Jr.
Comments: 3
Kudos: 6





	1. What happened?

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Qui3tlyR3ading](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Qui3tlyR3ading/gifts).



Amaro stood in the hallway of a hospital, it was plain, stark and sterile, he looked around and could see hardly any cheer in here, he hated hospitals and what they represented. To him, they represented sickness and death and loneliness. The beige grey walls were looking drained, as if some villain stood in this hall and drained this place of any color that it once had. He could see drab paintings of flowers and people hanging on walls in a pitiful attempt to make this place cheerful, but ironically, made the place seem more post-apocalyptical. Nick sighed as he wandered these lonesome, empty halls, nurses and doctors passed by him without even as much as giving him a passing glance, nobody seemed to even acknowledge that he was even there. He was feeling lost and alone and needed some help. He looked around as he could hear steady beeping and hissing of the ventilators and machines from different rooms, he could even access them all, but there was one room he couldn't access at all and it concerned him. It was as if there was a magical force field keeping him out of that room. He couldn't even see who was under those tubes and bandages. 

He tried to speak to a nurse on break and said

"Hello Miss, um can you help me please?"

She didn't even as much as look up, just continued to look down at her phone and kept scrolling as she yawned softly. Nick then tried speaking louder

"Hello? I need some help here."

Still nothing at all, it was as if everyone in the building was giving him the silent and ignore treatment, he was utterly confused by what was happening here. He wasn't sure why would they all go on a "Ignore the fuck out of Nicholas Amaro Jr until he cracks" game. It surely didn't make sense to the SVU detective. He could see the squad with grim and downcast faces around the doorway to the room that seemed to be barred to him, he tried waving in Benson's face and said 

"Captain! Something's gone horribly wrong! Nobody is talking to me! What is going on here?"

But the brown haired, stoic faced woman passed through him as she walked inside the room and he gaped in shock and surprise

'Well, there's a development, the Captain somehow has teleportation powers on top of the fact that everybody refuses to acknowledge the fact that I even exist at all, great, just great' Amaro sarcastically thought.

He sighed as he tried waving to Fin, who had his face buried in his hands and was sitting on a chair in the waiting room, but he didn't bother wait to see Fin's reaction, he just knew deep in his gut that nobody would acknowledge or see him, he couldn't even leave the hospital at all, it all seemed futile and one question that nagged at Nick's mind was: What was going on? 

Amaro just had a bad feeling that something terrible was going on and he knew time was running out to find out what was going on and he hated it when there was so much on the line like this, he hated it when the stakes were high and that lives could be lost, Amaro realized that the only way to find his way out of this mess was to try and remember what had happened to cause him to be in this mess in the first place and that meant racking his brains for shaky memories that were quite considerably unreliable in the first place. He hoped he could find out before it was all too late in the end.


	2. Realizations and cold hard facts

Nick noticed for the first time that he was hovering about several inches above the waxed and scrubbed floor, which shone like a mirror and he noticed that people were passing through him and shivering a little, he remembered gun shots ringing out during a trial of Johnny Drake, he remembered Sonny falling to the floor, bleeding helplessly as he tried to hold pressure before he had to run and take down the evil man for what he had done to Sonny.

He tried to enter the room and yet, he bounced off of it like it was Amaro-proofed of sorts. He looked towards Amanda who choked out a sob in her hands while leaning on a despondent Olivia Benson, sobbing 

"We can't lose him too, he needs to hold on." 

Amaro thought that they were referring to Sonny. Amaro knew he was dead himself, but he had to try and save Sonny and fix this mess. He could hear the hissing and the beeping of the machines, keeping the man under those blood stained bandages alive. The bandages were obscuring his face and body and hands and Amaro was struggling to see who was under them, he wasn't sure why he felt as though he was being torn in two different directions. He wanted to enter and see, but somehow the universe was cruel and harsh enough to put him through this bland purgatory...or was it hell? At any rate, it was as if he had no worries, all the anxieties, all the worries, all the nightmares and traumas that ate at him and aged him up, were somehow...gone. It was as if someone had lifted the weight of the world from his shoulders, and he felt a little bit freer, like as if he could float now. 

Amaro knew that this feeling, this sense of freedom was concerning for him, but at the same time, he didn't want to do anything about it, but he was very worried for Carisi and he knew that somehow, time was ticking away and that soon it would be too little, too late if he didn't do anything now. 

He had always felt a sort of deep sense of connection between the two of them, he regretted not acting on it now, he had so many regrets, like not giving marriage counseling a go, connecting with his kids Zara and Gilberto more, fighting to take down his father sooner, saving his mother from that monster known as his father Nicholas Amaro Sr and maybe not sleeping with Amanda Rollins. He regretted not accepting the fact that he was bisexual and that he loved men as much as he loved women and that he couldn't change a single thing about it. He regretted losing his temper so much and not kissing John Munch when he had the chance, he regretted not opening up to Benson about his feelings for her and he regretted not asking out Carisi, a man who kept getting hurt by Barba. He hated how Barba kept steamrolling Sonny, he was scared one day this job would steal the sunshine Carisi had and all that would reman was a dull, dry, lifeless husk of Sonny and that there would be nothing left of him except a burnt out, cynical man. He most of all regretted not insisting on taking the sargent's test despite Benson's objections.

Amaro sighed as he looked down and saw that he was dressed in his dress blues, he realized now now, this was the clothing he was going to be buried in, alone and in darkness


	3. End of all dreams

Amaro looked around, drifting through hallways and hospital rooms, floating in midair, trying to search for Sonny, to save him from death, from the dark grim reaper that was always a presence near a living person. Nick felt two magnetic forces pulling him in opposite directions, he felt as though the invisible forces were tearing him apart, he could hear rapid beeping from the room that held the badly wounded man that he had followed so desperately after, with a swarm of nurses, medics and doctors wheeling the man out of the ambulance. Amaro assumed that person was Sonny, he didn't know that he was the furthest thing from being right. 

Suddenly, nurses and doctors rushed into the room as Amaro watched helplessly from the outside with the rest of the squad, cursing himself for running out of time, he could hear a doctor yell for a crash cart and a nurse dashed in, wheeling one in, and instantly, he could feel electricity buzz and shoot through his chest and the doctor said solemnly

"Call it, time of death 12:44 A:M"

Amaro teared up sobbing 

"Dammit Sonny, I was supposed to save you."

He saw Amanda breakdown and sob with the force of grief and loss ripped through her very heart. Olivia bowed her head and held Amanda close to her chest, Mike was openly weeping and so was Barba, Amaro knew that there was something going on between Rafael and Sonny but he always wished and still wished even now that he got a chance to confess to Sonny when Carisi floated up to him, wearing his own dress blues saying 

"That wasn't me you know. That was you in that room. You were too obsessed for a goal that could never be accomplished. I was already dead the moment I hit the ground Nick. Hell, you just threw your chance of living away...why would you ever do that Sonny? Why didn't you try saving yourself?"

Nick's heart plummeted as he turned his face to see the nurses unhook his body from the machinery and replied coolly

"Because I loved you, and I really wanted to protect you. Plus...protecting you is...or was my job"

Sonny teared up and smiled 

"You're a good person Nick. I have known that you would do whatever it took to keep others safe. It's just..."

"You're pissed off at me because I couldn't get over my duty?"

"A little, but Nick? I've always felt the same for you too, I just was afraid of being rejected. I was afraid of being hurt all over again."

Nick kissed him 

"We have all of the eternity to spend together, I promise I will never hurt you.."

As the light absorbed both dead souls, leaving a grieving squad to mourn the loss of the two of their best and brightest detectives. 


End file.
